Being a mother is rough.
Once you find out you're pregnant something inside you shifts.
In an instant you are faced with a huge responsibility that you can never go back from.
There is no manual, no how-to-guide to prepare you for what is about to happen, how your life will be forever changed.
I got pregnant at 15.
I never thought about it, how my choices would affect others when I was in the moment. It never dawned on me that one day my own children would be faced with friends who made fun of their "easy mom" getting pregnant so young. At the time, I did not fathom the responsibility of having a baby. I was only thinking of present day, not what the future would hold.
Fast forward 27 years and this is who I am.
I am a Mother of 6 living children and 2 who are waiting in heaven.
With each new baby God has blessed me with, the responsibility and burden is greater.
Now, hear me out... I am not saying that my children are a burden.
I feel overwhelmed by the responsibility for what I am called to be as a Mother.
I have more days where I feel like a failure rather than feel like all is well in this world when I go to sleep at night. I know there is much more to raising kids than to feed, clothe, keep them safe, provide a great education... and so on.
The burden that weighs heavy on me is this... we live in a spiritual world. At all times there are forces working against us as well as angels that protect us.
As a mother it's hard, so very hard to not try to control things, with my kids or in their environment. I lose my patience so easily and forget that there is evil waging war against our souls. I find myself failing daily to protect them or to even armor them.
Every day is a struggle. To make the choice to choose to do what is right rather than to give up and shut down.
There are a lot of people who praise moms for their hard work, unconditional love, selflessness, and sacrifice. I tell my mom these things and my kids tell me these things.
To me, it's so much more that you can't even put into words.
"Forgive yourself over and over again for doing EVERYTHING wrong"
When Mother's day comes around, no matter how much you sacrifice or love your children... the decisions that a mother makes whether right or wrong affect her kids for the rest of their lives.
To me, that burden, that responsibility is great.
God chose me to be a Mother to my kids.
God does not make mistakes.
He trusts me with their care.
Why do I doubt myself?
Why do I have such a hard time forgiving myself for all the wrong I do when my children are so quick to forgive me and love me unconditionally?
To me, on this Mother's Day, it's not about my children praising me. It's about them showing me the grace of God through them loving me unconditionally even though I fail everyday at the responsibility that was given to me.
For this, I thank you. Ashley, Kapono, Saphire, Aleshanee, Dakota, and Hayden... thank you for loving me unconditionally and forgiving me for falling short every day.
I am grateful that God allows me to have them in my life to continually bless me with proof of His grace and love which at times is hard for me to see.
Happy Mother's Day to my mom who did not have it easy raising us and who probably feels the same burden I feel with her three daughters.
Happy Mother's Day dear friends and family. Have a safe blessed day. xoxo
