Miscarriage is all too common. One in four pregnancies end in miscarriage. One in four is not just a statistic, it's me. I'm speaking out on this sacred day. October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day and I'm here to speak out and say I have lost two babies to missed miscarriage. This is a topic which is not talked about enough and parents who are suffering such a great loss are made to suffer in silence. Please take a stand to spread awareness and to remember all the babies who are gone too soon.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Day 3: Myths About Grief
An idea or story believed by many people but is not true.
1. Miscarriage is not the same as losing a baby that you've held in your arms.
Losing a baby in any way is completely devastating. The pain and grief of a pregnancy loss is equally significant to a loss of a child that has been born. For me it's harder because I had no baby to physically hold and grieve. It was too early to know the sex and we have no names for them.
2. At least you have other kids, enjoy the ones you have.
Just because I have other kids does not mean the babies I lost do not matter. They were alive and we had hopes and dreams for each of them. Other kids we've had before or after the ones who have died will never replace them. Ever.
3. You shouldn't talk about it.
How do I know this is one many believe? Because in the last 10 yrs since my first miscarriage, no one has brought it up. In the last 2 yrs since my last miscarriage, the only one who constantly asks me if I'm sad my baby didn't make it is my 5 yr old daughter. Talking about it helps. Asking me about them helps me to know they mattered and that you acknowledge their existence. This in itself is such a special gift.
I know some who would rather not talk about it and that's their personal choice. To acknowledge a baby who was lost can never hurt. Unless the parent tells you they'd rather not talk about it, don't stop asking them and keep speaking their child's name. Although here for a short time, these babies were here for a reason.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Day 2: Identity. My babies do not have names. Both were lost by missed miscarriage meaning they died inside my body and were discovered with no heartbeat during an ultrasound. We decided to let both pregnancies pass naturally. The first took two and a half weeks. Baby left us on January 12, 2004 at 11-1/2 weeks gestation. The second took one day. Baby left us on December 30, 2011 at 9-1/2 weeks gestation. Since it was so early and we did not know the gender we did not think to name them. To us they are our angel babies and refer to them both as "baby angel Lee". Lee is our last name.
In honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, Carly Marie of Project Heal is doing a capture your grief project. I invite you to join in and share your story in this unique way. Go here to read each daily prompt in further detail.