Letting go

As summer comes to a close and another little one is heading off to school for the first time, I am faced again with the process of letting go.  To have one of my babies head off into the hands and trust of another.  It is so hard to release my kids into the world knowing they are being influenced by others.  I know that ultimately God is in control and that everything will be fine but the thought of knowing my kids will be influenced by others and are so quick to absorb not only the positive but the negative, scares me.

Having 3 adult kids I have been through this before.  But knowing what lies ahead causes me to cringe almost daily.  It's not easy to let go.  I must let them have the experiences they need so that God can mold them in the way He needs to.  Something I had to learn along the way with my older kids.

Today Dakota had her Kindergarten testing.  Although she's been so excited to go to school for the past 4 years, over the summer she's been protesting aggressively on not going.  She cried herself to sleep last night hysterically and would not get ready to leave the house.  She finally cooperated when I told her I would ask if I could be in the testing room.

I was surprised that when they called her name from afar, she took off running to this person she has never seen before.  She has so much fun and was so excited.  When she came back to me she told me "Mommy school is GREAT!!!"  The look on her face was so precious.

Now with one more at home who doesn't start school for 2 more years, I'll be enjoying my last baby years by watching her intently in how she responds to the world more closely.

I know when they are all grown up and moved out I'll look back at this time and see the way all of it played out knowing it was all that God intended, good or bad.  But even though they are grown, as my first 3, it's still hard to let go.  With every stage of life there is something new to learn as a parent.  You never stop worrying, being scared, or trying to move mountains so they don't have pain.

Letting go will never be something that can be learned.  It's something I'll need to continue to do for the rest of my life.

Source: everythingfab.com via Salena on Pinterest

A Little Piece of Me

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pieces of me

We are made up of so many different pieces.  Most times those around us see us for who we really are before we ever do.  Insecurity can weigh us down and hold us back.  Why is it that everyone else around us can see how strong, wonderful, and beautiful we are but we are the last to notice.

It's so easy to be swayed into being something we are not.  We fight so hard to become who we think we are or who we think we need to be.  How freeing it is when we finally realize that being ourselves, the good, bad, the ugly... all of it allows us to connect with others on a much deeper level.  When we come out from behind our masks and allow ourselves to be free in front of those who already see us for who we are....beauty and true happiness can surface.

Embrace the little pieces of yourself.  For these are what makes you special, unique, and what draws people to you.  Be relatable and share who you really are.  You'd be surprised at how many hearts you will touch.

On a Monday, I am waiting
Tuesday, I am fading
And by Wednesday, I can't sleep
Then the phone rings, I hear you
And the darkness is a clear view
Cuz you've come to rescue me

Fall... With you, I fall so fast
I can hardly catch my breath, I hope it lasts

[Chorus:]
Ohhhhh
It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhhh
It's as if you've known me better than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

I am moody, messy
I get restless, and it's senseless
How you never seem to care
When I'm angry, you listen
When you're happy, it's a mission
And you wont stop 'til I'm thererics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/a/ashlee_simpson/pieces_of_me.html ]
Fall... Sometimes I fall so fast
Well, I hit that bottom
Crash, you're all I have

[Chorus:]
Ohhhhh
It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhhh
It's as if you known me better than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

How do you know everything I'm about to say?
Am I that obvious?
And if it's written on my face...
I hope it never goes away... yeah

On a Monday, I am waiting
And by Tuesday, I am fading into your arms...
So I can breathe

[Chorus:]
Ohhhhh
It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhhh
It's as if you've know me better than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
Ohhhhh
I love how you can tell
Ohhhhh
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me...

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/a/ashlee_simpson/#share

A Little Piece of Me

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Focus

When I started this blog, it was with the thought that I had no idea what I was doing and I was not sure I would be able to pull it off.  My goal for starting my blog was to inspire others with the lessons I have and am learning in my own life.  To reach out, share my story, and for others to know that they are not alone.  With this in mind, I share about my everyday life, faith, marriage, parenting, things I love, things I'm passionate about, and basically wherever my heart thoughts lead me.  I am honest, raw, real, emotional, passionate and will share deep things because I believe it will help others.  When those around me are real about their life and transparent with me, it helps me relate to them better.  It also reassures me that I'm not alone.

via

I started this blog mid August 2011.  In the last 10 months I have had to remind myself time and time again why I'm doing this.  It is so easy to get caught up with what so and so is doing and making sure you're at all the parties (blog hops / link ups) and guest posting, guest swapping, giveaways, and more giveaways.  There have been several bloggers talking about how there has been more guest posting and giveaways in blog land lately rather than sharing from the heart and about what we are learning in life.  This is true, at least for me.

via

First paragraph = reason I'm doing this, my goal with my blog.

Second paragraph = what I've been focusing on and stressing about.

via

Time to get my focus back and do what I came here to do.

What is your goal for what you do?  Have you been focused or have you been sidetracked?  How are you going to get back to your goal?

A Little Piece of Me

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I am a Mother...

Source: i.imgur.com via Melissa on Pinterest

Being a mother is rough.

Once you find out you're pregnant something inside you shifts.

In an instant you are faced with a huge responsibility that you can never go back from.

There is no manual, no how-to-guide to prepare you for what is about to happen, how your life will be forever changed.

I got pregnant at 15.

I never thought about it, how my choices would affect others when I was in the moment.  It never dawned on me that one day my own children would be faced with friends who made fun of their "easy mom" getting pregnant so young.  At the time, I did not fathom the responsibility of having a baby.  I was only thinking of present day, not what the future would hold.

Fast forward 27 years and this is who I am.

I am a Mother of 6 living children and 2 who are waiting in heaven.

With each new baby God has blessed me with, the responsibility and burden is greater.

Now, hear me out... I am not saying that my children are a burden.

I feel overwhelmed by the responsibility for what I am called to be as a Mother.

I have more days where I feel like a failure rather than feel like all is well in this world when I go to sleep at night.  I know there is much more to raising kids than to feed, clothe, keep them safe, provide a great education... and so on.

The burden that weighs heavy on me is this...  we live in a spiritual world.  At all times there are forces working against us as well as angels that protect us.

As a mother it's hard, so very hard to not try to control things, with my kids or in their environment.  I lose my patience so easily and forget that there is evil waging war against our souls.  I find myself failing daily to protect them or to even armor them.

Every day is a struggle.  To make the choice to choose to do what is right rather than to give up and shut down.

Source: ohmyhandmade.com via Laura on Pinterest

There are a lot of people who praise moms for their hard work, unconditional love, selflessness, and sacrifice.  I tell my mom these things and my kids tell me these things.

To me, it's so much more that you can't even put into words.

"Forgive yourself over and over again for doing EVERYTHING wrong"

When  Mother's day comes around, no matter how much you sacrifice or love your children... the decisions that a mother makes whether right or wrong affect her kids for the rest of their lives.

To me, that burden, that responsibility is great.

God chose me to be a Mother to my kids.

God does not make mistakes.

He trusts me with their care.

Why do I doubt myself?

Why do I have such a hard time forgiving myself for all the wrong I do when my children are so quick to forgive me and love me unconditionally?

Source: pinaquote.com via Cherry on Pinterest

To me, on this Mother's Day, it's not about my children praising me.  It's about them showing me the grace of God through them loving me unconditionally even though I fail everyday at the responsibility that was given to me.

For this, I thank you.  Ashley, Kapono, Saphire, Aleshanee, Dakota, and Hayden... thank you for loving me unconditionally and forgiving me for falling short every day.

Source: morethansayings.blogspot.com via Sabrina on Pinterest

I am grateful that God allows me to have them in my life to continually bless me with proof of His grace and love which at times is hard for me to see.

Happy Mother's Day to my mom who did not have it easy raising us and who probably feels the same burden I feel with her three daughters.

I'm over here today sharing my Thoughts on Motherhood

Happy Mother's Day dear friends and family.  Have a safe blessed day.  xoxo

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As of late...

I'm in love with my keychains so I took new photos with instagram and wanted to show them off.

New pose they've been flashing me recently.

yum.

Photo taken summer 2007.  Aleshanee is 2yrs old in this photo and I am pregnant with Dakota.  This is my most favorite photo that I took myself.

My sister Cassie and her friend Pedro, both were recently in Little Shop of Horrors.  Pedro was the lead playing Seymour.  They were 2 of the 25 that were called back to audition live at the XFactor Audition Pass Contest.  They were 2 points away from a perfect score.  The winner was the only one with a perfect score of 30.  He was amazing.

Don't let their cuteness fool ya. 

Their new pose, not sure where they learned it.

Fun times.

Jumping off the side of the slide is their new favorite thing.

My little love bug.

Lined up little shoes, precious.

Little sister wants big sister to carry her and to take care of her.

Running away with her chocolate easter bunny after hiding out and eating all her chocolate eggs and cookies.

Beauty along the way to the playground. 

Took the short walk to the playground and they stopped right before it and sat on the pavement.

"Help, help, we're locked, locked in jail!!!"

Dakota is helping Aleshanee from sliding down and Hayden is at the top helping by holding Dakota's feet.

Precious moment.  I almost missed this photo opp not knowing they were doing this but caught them just in time.

First time at the pool in a long time.  Just putting feet in the water after a hot day at the playground.  Dakota still does not want to go in the water after her pool accident.

We've been getting outside daily, a change from being on the computer all day and having the girls getting into everything repeatedly.  It's been so nice to see them running around, using their imagination and to see just how much energy they have and must let out everyday.  Since Hayden is getting older and is able to be outside with little supervision at the playground it's been a nice break for me to sit and watch them rather than getting after them every few minutes for getting into things, not picking up their mess, or to stop fighting.

Dakota has been more willing to help and obey the first time with a quick "ok" or "sure".  Hayden has been asking for "carry" from big sister and has been okay with taking direction from her sisters.  Hayden is talking more and is so independent.  Aleshanee has been doing homework willingly and her reading is improving.

Lately, I've been wanting to spend more time looking at them, hearing, really  hearing what they are saying.  I've been catching myself way too many times speaking the words "wait. not now. just a minute. quiet! I can't concentrate! I'll get it in a minute. let me finish." and so forth.  I don't like the way things are going so I'm going to make changes around here.

Changes which may affect this blog which is dear to my heart.  Hopefully not too much.

Although I have had Instagram since it first came out, I have recently started using it actively.   You can follow me here:   

xoxo, Salena

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The Crash

This is an old photo from the listing when we bought our place.

BEFORE...

Have you seen the movie "CRASH"?  The one with Sandra Bullock?  This movie was on my mind the entire time on this day.

On Thursday, March 22, 2012 a car crashed into the side of our house while we were home and standing only 5 feet away.  If the driver had not turned her wheel to the right to avoid hitting the house, she would have slammed right into me, my husband, and our two youngest daughters.

The driver, a 72 year old woman who was in the car alone, fell asleep at the wheel.  Cut across the wrong side of the road, up the curb onto the hill then woke up, thought she pressed the brake but hit the gas instead.  Witnesses say she was accelerating at around 40 mph.  

We were standing in the house and heard a strange loud noise.  We both looked up and as we both shouted, "what is that noise"?! The car slammed into the side of our house while we were looking out the sliding glass door.  It was so loud and happened so fast.

This was my fear from the moment we bought this place.  We are on the corner and there is no barrier between us and the road.  Yes, some said to me the trees and hill will help keep cars away if there was an accident.  I told them that would not matter and no little sparse trees or hill is going to keep away a vehicle that gets into a crash right outside our house.

We were both in shock.  The driver kept yelling "is everyone okay"???!!!  A neighbor ran over and through the debris stuck his head near the window full of broken glass yelling out if we were okay.  My husband told me to call 911 and the same thing happened to me on this day that happened the day of Dakota's accident.  I could not figure out how to use our magic jack phone to call the police and Rudy kept trying to walk me through it but I was frozen.

The first thing that popped into my head after the "I knew this was going to happen one day, I just knew it"!  Was "great, we don't have any personal insurance, how are we going to pay for  this"??!!!

This is what we saw when we finally got outside.

AFTER...

See the crack in the wall up above in the center of the photo?  We were standing on the other side of the wall right where the shadow hits towards the corner.  I am still freaked out that the driver woke up just in time and purposely turned her wheel to avoid hitting the house dead on.

  

 INSIDE...

STILL WAITING FOR INSURANCE ADJUSTERS, ESTIMATES, AND BIDS...

Thankfully, NO ONE was hurt.  

I eventually went over to find the driver (sitting in a car of someone who she cut off before hitting the hill) to see if she was okay.  She was so thankful that the first voice she heard was mine yelling out to her if she was okay.  She said my voice was such a huge comfort to her at that moment.  We ended up talking together for the rest of the ordeal while the car was being towed.  My mom ended up giving her a ride to a rent-a-car place along with her husband and sister-in-law.

I found out later that we know the driver's husband.  We used to go to the same church years ago.  They were so grateful for our response to the entire crash and that we were so nice and kind to them.  Believe me, everyone was in shock not only at the crash but at our response.  Neighbors were more upset than we were.  There is no way to explain how someone would hold something like this against someone.  She fell asleep because she was more tired than she thought and she drove home after a meeting about 25 miles.  She did nothing malicious to cause this "accident".  The one thing to remember is that God protected us; all of us.  Not only that but we lived on the same street for a while and we did not know they lived near us.

The driver and her husband have been visiting us, checking on us on how we are doing, on the progress of the house, they gave an adorable children's book to our daughters from their publishing business, and we are all so grateful that we know one another and the crash brought us together.

This is where that movie CRASH comes in.  We are all intertwined somehow.  The things we do impact others and we cross paths even though we don't know it and are not aware of it.  Sometimes these things happen to wake us up.  God uses each of us to teach us lessons, to bless us, to teach others lessons, to comfort others, to have compassion, etc.

What would have been your reaction to this, even if it had involved tragedy?

xoxo, Salena