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Monday, October 15, 2012

Remembering Our Babies || National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day 2012

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  Sarah from The Fontenot Four and I have come together this October to bring awareness to this special topic.  If you have only joined us now I welcome you to read my thread here and Sarah's thread here.  For more information on October 15th National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day you can read about it here.

October 15th is a day set aside to remember all the babies who have gone too soon.  Whether by miscarriage, still birth, birth complications, SIDS, etc.  Losing a child is something you are never prepared for and most times the loss is a silent one.  Some women do not want to talk about it, others are forgotten because in some cases there is no physical baby to grieve.

I have lost two babies.  Both by missed miscarriage in the first trimester.  Although my babies were with us for such a short time, I am forever changed by having them living inside me.  The hopes and dreams for my babies that my husband and I dreamed about from the moment we were aware of them in my belly, were stripped away from us in an instant.  This is where most of the grief hits when you lose your baby by miscarriage.  I did not know the sex of my babies.  My babies were delivered at home while I was alone in my bathroom.  I was never asked to save anything from my first miscarriage but my second one I did.  Unfortunately what I thought was the baby was not.  We will never know the sex of our babies or why they had died so soon.  A part of me wants to know and my heart hurts that we could not name our babies because we don't know.

We have never had a memorial service or any kind of remembrance ceremony for our babies.  Last year was the first October 15th that I lit a candle for my first baby, and my two grand babies.  This year, we are adding our second baby.

I have always been torn on how to remember them and who to involve.  Because honestly it seems like only I remember them.  Aleshanee and Dakota talk about our most recent baby that was lost.  They ask me all the time if I'm sad that my baby didn't make it.  It breaks my heart but it fills my heart with love knowing that they remember.  They are the only ones who ask me how I'm doing and if I'm sad.

I wrote about my miscarriages and I invite you to read about it here:

It helps me to share my story.  My babies are a part of me, they were here, they were loved.  The first time I shared about my miscarriages I was flooded with women who have never spoke about their losses.  They tell me how brave and courageous I am to share about my story, something so heartbreaking and special.  I am not brave nor courageous for doing so.  For me, I'm the type of person who needs to talk it out.  I want to share my story to help others know they are not alone.  There is hope and healing will come.

I talk about my babies to keep them alive.  They have a story to tell, they were here for a purpose.  When I speak about them, they give other grieving mothers hope and faith.  They help others to be strong when their life is crashing around them from something so heartbreaking nothing can erase.

Those women who came forward and opened up to me about their losses, some for the first time they have said a word to anyone... those are the brave and courageous ones.

Blessing Flag via

Today I Honor:

My babies
Baby Lee (01/12/2004) due August 4, 2004
Baby Lee (12/30/2011) due August 2, 2012

My grandbabies
Elijah White (2009) due April 26, 2010
Baby Evangelista (2011)

Sarah and I would love for you to share your stories if you are open and willing to share. Your children are not forgotten and we want to remember and celebrate them with you today. Their lives will always hold a special place in your hearts and they will always have meaning. If you don't want to share your story, please feel free to remember your angel babies in the comments below. Whether you comment as "Baby", "Baby Boy / Girl", or with the name you chose for them, along with their dates if you choose, they are remembered today.

Your precious babies are remembered, honored, and celebrated today.

Thank you so much for sharing such a personal piece of your story with us today.



Sarah Fontenot said...

Thank you so much for co-hosting this link up with me today, and for joining with me this month to talk about a subject that is so often tiptoed around, brushed aside, or forgotten. Thank you for helping me to bring awareness to people who don't understand these losses, and to bring support, hope and even healing to women who have suffered losses. Joining you today in honoring your babies.

michelle @ this little light said...

I'm holding both Baby Lees in my heart today, too, Salena. Thank you for co-hosting this beautiful and healing link-up with Sarah. God bless you both! xo

Kirsty Brooker said...

I am a Mother of 5. I have 3 angel babies. Baby Brooker September 2009 xo, Lilly-Mae born sleeping 4th July 2007 xo and Baby Brooker April 2012 xo.
An Angel in the book of life, wrote down our baby's birth. Whispered as she closed the book, "too beautiful for earth".
I also have 2 beautiful girls asleep in their beds now Daisy and Bella. xoxo

Brandy said...

Thanks for this place to remember. I have 2 angels waiting for me...Tyler Lee (misscarried at 13 weeks August 22, 1998 due to partial molar pregnancy) & Annelise Hope (unexplained stillborn at 26 weeks) on September 8, 1999).

FrugalFoodieMama said...

I too had 2 first trimester losses. I did not know their genders either, although I feel the first was a boy and the second was a girl. We didn't name them, but still refer to them fondly by the nicknames they had while I was pregnant with them. I feel I will meet them one day, and they will whisper their names into my ear. <3
Thank you for hosting this...

ramsaygrace said...

Thank you so much for co-hosting this link-up today, as it has been a blessing to me, and I'm sure countless others! I loved when you said, you were, forever changed by having your babies living inside you. That's a perfect way to describe the experience of a miscarriage. No, I don't know the sex of my child, but I WAS forever changed! Thanks again!

Julie Marie said...

thank you so much for cohosting this. I am a little late on linking up, but i wanted to still do it anyways. i have lost 2 as well. My first 2. The first involved the memorial service and everything because it was in the 2nd trimester. The 2nd time, it was early around 9 weeks. i am so sorry for the pain or anyone endures going through this. and i know the special meaning behind remembering those precious little lives.