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Thursday, October 3, 2013

Capture Your Grief Day 3: Myths About Grief

Day 3: Myths About Grief
An idea or story believed by many people but is not true.  

1. Miscarriage is not the same as losing a baby that you've held in your arms.  

Losing a baby in any way is completely devastating.  The pain and grief of a pregnancy loss is equally significant to a loss of a child that has been born.  For me it's harder because I had no baby to physically hold and grieve.  It was too early to know the sex and we have no names for them. 

2. At least you have other kids, enjoy the ones you have.  

Just because I have other kids does not mean the babies I lost do not matter.  They were alive and we had hopes and dreams for each of them.  Other kids we've had before or after the ones who have died will never replace them.  Ever.  

3. You shouldn't talk about it.  

How do I know this is one many believe?  Because in the last 10 yrs since my first miscarriage, no one has brought it up.  In the last 2 yrs since my last miscarriage, the only one who constantly asks me if I'm sad my baby didn't make it is my 5 yr old daughter.  Talking about it helps.  Asking me about them helps me to know they mattered and that you acknowledge their existence.  This in itself is such a special gift.  

I know some who would rather not talk about it and that's their personal choice.  To acknowledge a baby who was lost can never hurt.  Unless the parent tells you they'd rather not talk about it, don't stop asking them and keep speaking their child's name.   Although here for a short time, these babies were here for a reason.  

1 comment:

Dionne said...

Oh, I wish I was where you are at because I would ask you about it. It has been six years since my mom passed away, and no-most people don't ask anymore. I am so sorry for the losses you have had and can't imagine losing a baby to miscarriage. No, you didn't hold your sweet babe in your arms, but that babe was as real to you as the sun is shining and people need to keep their stupid comments to them self. Hugs to you and may the Lord hold you as you move through your grief one day at a time.