Thursday, August 2nd was the day our baby was due. As the day got closer, instead of my little girls asking me "mommy, why didn't your baby make it?" or "are you sad because you'r baby didn't make it?" they started asking me "mommy, when is your baby coming out?" and one tells me it's a girl while the other is telling me it's a boy.
I wasn't sure how I would feel once my due date came around. There has been so many things happening in my family recently, good and bad. To the point that I've been feeling like I can't even take a moment to breathe. The only thing I kept thinking lately is that we are supposed to have a new baby while all these things have been happening. All my babies came early so baby would have been a few weeks old already at least.
I'm sad that my due date came and went and our baby didn't make it. I know she or he is with God and with our first baby that didn't make it as well. This time around is very different than the first. The first time took my breath away and I felt paralyzed and frozen in time and in deep sorrow. I have 3 little girls between the first miscarriage and this last one and have a better understanding and acceptance of babies who don't make it. My first miscarriage, there was no heartbeat. My second miscarriage, there was a strong heartbeat but baby died around 9 weeks. I have a lot of questions that will never be answered.
I do know that these little ones were supposed to be here, they have touched our lives forever and because of their presence in our life for such a brief time, we will be forever changed. I know God works all things for good and that He is in control. I trust Him and know it's for His plan.
My baby is supposed to be here but is with God in a much better place.
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