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Monday, August 6, 2012

Our precious little one in His hands

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Thursday, August 2nd was the day our baby was due.  As the day got closer, instead of my little girls asking me "mommy, why didn't your baby make it?" or "are you sad because you'r baby didn't make it?" they started asking me "mommy, when is your baby coming out?" and one tells me it's a girl while the other is telling me it's a boy.

I wasn't sure how I would feel once my due date came around.  There has been so many things happening in my family recently, good and bad.  To the point that I've been feeling like I can't even take a moment to breathe.  The only thing I kept thinking lately is that we are supposed to have a new baby while all these things have been happening.  All my babies came early so baby would have been a few weeks old already at least.

I'm sad that my due date came and went and our baby didn't make it.  I know she or he is with God and with our first baby that didn't make it as well.  This time around is very different than the first.  The first time took my breath away and I felt paralyzed and frozen in time and in deep sorrow.  I have 3 little girls between the first miscarriage and this last one and have a better understanding and acceptance of babies who don't make it.  My first miscarriage, there was no heartbeat.  My second miscarriage, there was a strong heartbeat but baby died around 9 weeks.  I have a lot of questions that will never be answered.  

I do know that these little ones were supposed to be here, they have touched our lives forever and because of their presence in our life for such a brief time, we will be forever changed.  I know God works all things for good and that He is in control.  I trust Him and know it's for His plan.

My baby is supposed to be here but is with God in a much better place.  

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17 comments:

Amanda said...

Oh Salena....I'm so sorry, friend. Your baby celebrated his/her birthday in heaven - that's worth rejoicing about! But I know it is so hard for you - praying, sweet friend.

Brittany said...

Praying for you & your family. So Sorry for your loss!

Jade Steckly said...

You are such an inspiration! I can't imagine the pain of losing a child, but it is wonderful to have the hope that Jesus is snuggling him or her right now. You are in my prayers tonight!

Maria-Isabel @ Agape Love Designs said...

im so sorry for your loss friend. i completely understand what you said about being a little calmer with the second one. i too went thru 2 miscarriages. i was the same... and it does make you cherish the ones who made it...because u know their purpose is here on earth. and we can rejoice that the others are in a far better place in the arms of our heavenly father. hugs to you.

Anni said...

You are such a strong woman! Lovely and sad post... I will keep you and your family in my prayers!

Sending you love from far away,
Anni

Tracy Jensen said...

Praying for you and your sweet family....you are amazing and wonderful for sharing your thoughts on such a sensitive and personal subject. (((((hugs)))))

Destiny said...

I know it's a few days after, but sending you hugs!

Nicole Marie said...

I'm very sorry for your loss but you are very strong. I'll be thinking of you.

Kathy Schneider said...

Sending love and prayers your way.

No(dot dot)el said...

This is beautiful Salena. I am so sorry for your loss and I am thankful that God is comforting you like only HE can.

Kate said...

Salena- I am so sorry for your loss. Miscarriage is something that is not easy to go through, or talk about. And I am glad you find comfort in knowing your little one is watching over you.

rach. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
rach. said...

i absolutely love this, so honest. sorry for your loss, and thank you for being so honest. god will always be there for you.

love, rach.
www.so--hi.blogspot.com

Mar [RaisingBean.com] said...

I have no words, only a big giant hug!

Kara at Petals to Picots said...

I am so sorry for you loss. May God comfort you, as I know he is caring for your little ones as well.

Chelsea said...

There are never the right words for a situation like this...Instead, I'm sending a hug. Thoughts are with you.

Julie said...

I'm am so sorry for both your losses. Just imagine them as small children (much like the ones you have now)together running through a garden filled with flowers, laughing and rolling around and picking and smelling, and then they turn and smile at you and say hey mommy. Does that make it more bearable? Does it make you smile? That is my intention. New follower from CLA giveaway. Julie @ Http://icreatepurtythangs.blogspot.com.