As summer comes to a close and another little one is heading off to school for the first time, I am faced again with the process of letting go. To have one of my babies head off into the hands and trust of another. It is so hard to release my kids into the world knowing they are being influenced by others. I know that ultimately God is in control and that everything will be fine but the thought of knowing my kids will be influenced by others and are so quick to absorb not only the positive but the negative, scares me.
Having 3 adult kids I have been through this before. But knowing what lies ahead causes me to cringe almost daily. It's not easy to let go. I must let them have the experiences they need so that God can mold them in the way He needs to. Something I had to learn along the way with my older kids.
Today Dakota had her Kindergarten testing. Although she's been so excited to go to school for the past 4 years, over the summer she's been protesting aggressively on not going. She cried herself to sleep last night hysterically and would not get ready to leave the house. She finally cooperated when I told her I would ask if I could be in the testing room.
I was surprised that when they called her name from afar, she took off running to this person she has never seen before. She has so much fun and was so excited. When she came back to me she told me "Mommy school is GREAT!!!" The look on her face was so precious.
Now with one more at home who doesn't start school for 2 more years, I'll be enjoying my last baby years by watching her intently in how she responds to the world more closely.
I know when they are all grown up and moved out I'll look back at this time and see the way all of it played out knowing it was all that God intended, good or bad. But even though they are grown, as my first 3, it's still hard to let go. With every stage of life there is something new to learn as a parent. You never stop worrying, being scared, or trying to move mountains so they don't have pain.
Letting go will never be something that can be learned. It's something I'll need to continue to do for the rest of my life.