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Saturday, September 10, 2011

A Special Day

Today we celebrate my son's birthday.

23 years ago today, I gave birth to a son.  He was 3 weeks early due to a little car accident, of all places in the hospital emergency parking lot.  By the time I got home the contractions started, so I turned myself around and drove back to the hospital emergency room.  I started going into active labor but it was too early.  I was only in my 4-6 months time frame of my pregnancy and baby was not done growing.  The doctor put me on medication to stop the contractions and I was sent home.  No joke, the day I was told to stop the pills to let labor happen naturally in the safe zone of the end of my pregnancy, I went into labor.

My sister was with me in the delivery room and that was the night of a statewide blackout.  Lucky thing the hospitals have emergency generators cause I was freaking out.

No epidural {yeah, it was not offered to me, it was years ago} and hours later, he was born.

Happy Birthday Kapono!

To read more about his journey you can click here.

Today we remember my Grandma May.
September 2007

4 years ago today, My grandma passed away in the same hospital where my son was born.  The night before she passed away, we were all called to her hospital bed to spend as much time as we could with her.  Before we left for home, I told her I loved her and she said "I love you too".  Those were the last words we ever spoke to one another.  In the morning, my mom called first thing to tell us she was gone.  She had been having medical problems for a long time.  She would go into the ER, be admitted, stay a while, then come home fine.  This went on for many years.  

I just assumed it was another one of those times.  

I took for granted that she always came home.  

I didn't get to spend enough time with her.

What was she feeling before she died?

What was she thinking?

Did she have a full life?

I didn't take the time to ask her about her life.

When my mom told me she was gone, I knew it the time was coming and this is just the time she would not be coming home.  I didn't really know how to feel.  Even at her funeral I had no idea what I was thinking.

There are some days when things will remind me of her.  We will go to places or have events as a family and will remember her or wish she was with us.  Girls Day is special to me because we were raised along side her Japanese customs and traditions and she would always make it a big deal.  I love to go to Shirokiya on her birthday or on days that I miss her.  Just to be surrounded by the place that she loved to shop and take us to get little Sanrio or Hello Kitty trinkets makes me feel close to her.

I am not one to visit her grave site because I don't see her as being in that urn tomb.  I want to remember her where she was happy and talking about the memories we have about her.

I miss her so much.  She would laugh and cry and all the females in our family have this curse.  Seriously, the term "dying laughing" must come from our family genes.  

She was a master seamstress.  A great cook.  She loved her grandchildren and at the end of her life, they were the ones who kept her going.  I love to remember how she would clap her hands ever so slowly and put her hands up to sing twinkle twinkle little star to all the babies.  She loved to hold them on her lap.  They would ride on her lap when she was in her wheelchair and she would hold them tight.  She loved to go on long rides around the island.  She loved Japanese food.  Her favorite was sashimi (raw fish) and soft shell crab.  Her favorite restaurant was Kunio in Waikele Shopping Center and my husband took me there last year on our anniversary and I missed her.  All of her special occasions were there at that restaurant.

My two younger girls have never met her.  I was pregnant with Dakota when my Grandma passed away.  Dakota was born 2-1/2 months later.  I don't like the fact that my younger 3 will not remember her but only for what we tell them.  It makes me sad.  I know that is life and our memories and stories will keep her alive but I still don't like it.

I miss her.  I wish I knew more about her.  I was surprised of all the things I didn't know about her when I sat in the pew at her funeral.  She was a very special lady with a very special life.  I wish I had more to share about her with all of you.

My grandma was the first of my immediate family who I lost that I was close to.  My other 3 grandparents were not a part of my life and I don't know anything about them.

All my heart,

1 comment:

Jenae @ Wildflower said...

Im kinda at a loss for words, first off HAPPY BIRTHDAY to your son!!!!! my Grandpa passed away when I was little. I also don't remember what I was feeling, it was an open caskat and I remember looking in and just waiting for him to move, to look at me with his smile and then I just cried...I don't remember a lot about my grandpa and we don't really talk about him but I do miss him and wish my boys and even husband got to know him.