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Monday, September 5, 2011

The Righteous One

Kapono = in Hawaiian means

The Righteous One.

When I think of Kapono, this is what I see:

Kapono is my one and only son.  He will be 23 years old this Saturday.

Is he perfect?  No
Does he make mistakes? Yes

He’s been faced with many extremely challenging times in his life.  These times have brought him to his complete end of hope.

I worry so much about him.

What is he thinking?
What is he doing?
What is he going to do?
I hope he's ok.
Why doesn't he answer his phone?
I texted him ___ times, why isn't he responding?

I have never worried about anyone more in my life than my son.

No matter how many times I tell him I love him, I know these words I write today are going to rip through his heart.  There was a time in his life that we were separated for more than 2 years.  There was nothing I could do about it.  It was out of my control.

 It KILLED me inside.  

But if those 2 years did not happen, I would not have the relationship I have today with my husband and my 6 kids.

During that dark time in our lives, He was only 16 years old.

And he was alone.

Yes, he was with extended family but inside, he was alone.

He has been through so much.  A big part of it is because of things that happened to him in his past, and some because of his own bad choices.

I believe with all my heart that God works for the good in ALL things.  God uses people to teach us the lessons He needs us to learn.  The big picture is not the person they come through, it's the lesson we need to learn.

My son is filled with so many emotions that some days I think he will not get pass the negative stuff in his head.  

Kids want so much for their parents to be proud of them.  To feel loved, wanted, and needed for who they really are and not for what they think we want them to be.  They need to feel valued, to feel loved, and wanted no matter what they do or become in life.

I am so PROUD of him.

Even through his mistakes
Even through his bad choices

He has come very far.  Coming from a single parent home since he was three and having to be on his own at sixteen.  He has had to make his own choices, answer his own questions, fight alone to make it back to his family.

I am so PROUD of him.

Now, he is a single father of two sons and he loves them with all his heart.  He is a such a great Dad to them.  He does his best.  He would do anything for them.  He takes good care of them. 

Makana {3-1/2 years old}
Kaenen {2 years old}

Now, he has this lovely lady in his life.  She makes him so happy and they are very good together.  I can see him changing, taking responsibility for his thoughts, emotions and for communicating with others in a healthy way.

Kapono & Miss T

I have no idea after all these years, when my son grew up.  All of a sudden, I can see a strong man when I look at him.  

Lately I have been less worried and filled with excitement in where his life is heading.

I just hope that when he wakes up each morning and when he goes to bed every night, he knows how PROUD I am of him and  that no matter what happens in his lifetime, I could NEVER love him any less.

My son, I love you with all my heart, forever and always.

I am PROUD of you
I BELIEVE in you
You are STRONG
You are LOVED

All my heart and soul,

Linking up here:


Mrs. White said...

Wow. Mom that was really touching and something I think we all needed to hear.


Salena @ A Little Piece of Me said...

Thank you Ashley. :)

Brit @ JandMs Eye Candy said...

Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us. I am touched, it was beautiful :) We appreciate you linking up with us for our Help a Momma Out, it was perfect for it! Please come back again and share your mom thoughts and love :)

mommyworldadventures said...

this was beautiful